«Ad utrumque paratus»
(Be prepared for anything)
Forget the incense sticks, the meditation cushion, the singing bowl and the prayer chain for a moment. Put aside the spiritual garb and let's strip the four noble truths of Buddhism down to what they really are: a reality check for the soul.
The first noble truth: Life is pretty much fucked up.
No matter what your profession is – baker, carer, prime minister, butcher, hitman, professional footballer or astronaut – technically speaking, you are a trader. You trade daily with your time, your energy and your emotions, always in search of profit and fulfilment. But the market is unpredictable and losses are inevitable. That's a big problem for you. Because you also tend to value losses more than gains. That's certainly not down to you, it's just the fact that you're human. And because life is so volatile, it can sometimes be a traumatic experience if you're not prepared for something like this.
But it's not the market fluctuation that makes you suffer, it's your reaction to it.
Buddha says that those who speculate do not know what they are doing. And those who think they know what they're doing are just another cokehead who has no idea what they don't know. Because in assuming to know, we cling to the illusion of control in a market – which by its very nature is uncontrollable.
Buddha teaches: What you gain today, you will lose tomorrow. And what you lose today, you may be able to win back in the next life perhaps as a kangaroo – but only if fate is kind, your karma remains pure and the stars are in your favour. But only for you to lose it again in an even nastier way (kangaroo gets eaten by a lion).
And the whole game starts all over again: You are reborn as a trader who boredly picks his nose, looks like a stupid kangaroo, but is convinced of his own accord that he is king of the lions.
Everything is maya. Everything is illusion. Everything is suffering.
But that's no reason to jump off the bridge just yet. For each of these noble truths, Buddha has left us instructions on how to get out of this whole misery in some way. You just have to think a bit more like a trader.
Step 1: Market analysis of your self-realisation
As I said before, it's not the market fluctuation that makes you suffer in life, but your reaction to it. Everything you do or don't do in life is based on your natural predisposition to maximise gains and minimise losses. Or, if you like these terms better: Avoid pain and increase pleasure.
Ask yourself: How do you react to gains and losses in your life? What do these losses do to you? What do these gains do to you?
Let's say your dream woman/man has left you. Why are you really suffering? Are you suffering more because the dream is gone or because the woman/man is gone? Are you suffering because you can't be alone? Are you suffering because your heart is broken – and if so, what does that even mean? Are you suffering because no one brings you your favourite smoothie in bed in the morning anymore? Or are you simply suffering because your life still doesn't make sense?
Whatever your answer is, it's none of my business. Because all possible explanations inevitably lead to one thing: the story in your head that you tell yourself about yourself over and over again. It's your own fabricated story that sustains the drama of your life.
Just accept that you are a ball in a pinball machine that bounces back and forth between these two poles – pain and joy, or gain and loss. And no matter what happens to you in life, you will always find a suitable story to help you lick your wounds.
But you're not just the ball, you're the whole pinball machine. You are playing with yourself, through yourself, against yourself, for yourself.
Once you have accepted this fact, you are ready for the next stage and the healing can begin.
If not: have fun as a kangaroo.
Step 2: Risk management of your self-realisation
Risk is what's left when you think you've thought of everything. So all of life is risk, because we have no idea what life is.
But let's keep things low-key and stick to what's obvious. Namely, that we are a biological mass driven by greed. You don't need to be ashamed of that. Recognise that your greed, attachments, ignorance and blind spots control all your emotions. Which will probably remain so for a very, very, very long time in your life.
Recognise the fact that you are rotten fruit. Admitting this to yourself is much more mature than frantically pretending to be ripe fruit. Accept the ignoble fact that you are a being with digestion. Accept it wholeheartedly and you will be in a good position when the time is right to let go.
As you can see, this first noble truth is about one thing above all: acceptance. The realisation and ability not to rebel against things that you cannot control or change.
There is no risk management without a certain minimum level of self-awareness. So take a deep breath into your belly, pause and ask yourself: Is this reaction really useful? What is the worst thing that could realistically happen?
«My girlfriend/boyfriend has broken up with me! Now I can't go back to sleep and I'm lonely.»
So, what?! You now have the whole king-size bed to yourself and can game in the bedroom without feeling guilty.
«My boss has kicked me out. How am I supposed to pay my bills now?»
So, what? Your boss has always hated you anyway and the bills are probably from things you bought to impress people you don't know with money you never had. What better thing could have happened to you? Trust me: the universe is on your side.
«I've been given a terrible diagnosis! The doctor says the mortality rate is 70%.»
So, what?! Life itself has a mortality rate of 100%. But in any case, I would change the doctor as a precaution. He could also have said: The chances of survival are 30%. Bad doctor, really bad doctor.
Accept the worst-case scenario and just carry on from where life has taken you. There's nothing else you can do anyway. Because no matter what drama you're going through, for every drama there's a much worse drama that someone else is going through at the same time that you can't even imagine in your worst nightmares.
Step 3: Recognise that life means suffering.
Yes, I know. I'm just repeating what I've already said: Life is pretty much fucked up.
So why this repetition?
Firstly, because I couldn't think of anything better at the moment.
Secondly, because it doesn't really matter what comes next. Because the point of life is: everything is samsara - the eternal cycle of life and death.
Let's accept this fact. Period. From there on, everything will be a piece of cake.
My personal benchmark is set realistically low anyway. Anyone who manages to accept in their life – without bitterness – the fact that life basically consists of suffering is already something of a little Buddha for me. Most of us never get past this stage.
For all the other ambitious people among us for whom this is still too little enlightenment, may join me in exploring the second noble truth.
The second noble truth: the house always wins.
Don't take this personally, but you're a born loser. The mere fact that you have to play a game which, on one hand, you didn't choose for yourself and, on the other, is designed in such a way that you can never win, already explains the fine print I'd rather not dwell on at this moment.
So, let's move directly to Buddha's recommendations.
Perhaps now is a good time to light an incense stick or something else that produces smoke.
Step 1: Eliminate the carrot
Anyone who actually believes they can win against the house is the Goldilocks of hamsters. All I say to them is: run faster, my friend, maybe you'll get the carrot this time.
Because every time we think we've made it, the goal shifts. The new smartphone gets old, the fancy job is a nightmare every Monday morning, and the perfect partner... well, nobody predicted that perfection would snore, leave cut toenails lying around the bathroom or scatter socks all over the living room. So we keep running, chasing the next dream, only to realise that satisfaction melts away as quickly as water through the fingers. The only things we really accumulate are disappointments and toys that nobody needs.
With this second noble truth, some of us start to realize that acceptance is not as easy as it seemed, because they still waste a lot of energy on things that make absolutely no sense.
So if you too are fed up with chasing after these carrots, take the time to ask yourself: Where am I «over-invested» in life – emotionally or materially? Identify areas where you are too attached to results, be it in your career, in personal relationships or in your self-image.
Suddenly you will discover one carrot after another. Where there is one carrot, you will find a second carrot, a third will follow, then a fourth and so on. At some point you will realise that, without ever having been a vegetarian, your whole life consists of nothing but carrots.
Step 2: Take the blue pill
I could have very well said take the red pill. Because it doesn't matter what colour it is. The only thing that matters is that you swallow it.
Red or blue, both are different currencies issued by the same house. Blue will have blue experiences. Red will have red experiences. Everything else is decoration, explanation, background noise. The house sets the rules and offers you opportunities to participate in a game that only a madman would try to understand. And there are a few geniuses who have tried it. None of them ended well.
Maybe that's why Henry Miller said: «There is only one way to understand life: by living it.»
But here we are, at the counter of this metaphysical house, the decision firmly in our hands – or rather: on our tongues. It is a game without rules and yet with the strictest set of rules imaginable: that of life itself.
You will find out that, whether red or blue, the pill is just the beginning. The real trip begins when you stop focusing on the colours and start to realise that you are the dealer and the player all in one.
Playing the game without trying to win it could be the key. Because in this cosmic casino, the house – the universe itself – always has the advantage. The sages, the madmen and the dreamers who ventured into this game eons before you, could not find definitive answers, but they discovered countless perspectives to describe the inexplicable.
So, whether red or blue, just swallow this pill and prepare for the game to begin.
But remember, in the end we could all just be characters in a divine comedy that, taken too seriously, loses all humour.
There's a good reason why Cypher betrayed his friends in «The Matrix». Remember the key scene where Cypher gleefully eats a steak and says:
«I know this steak doesn't exist. I know that when I put it in my mouth, the Matrix fools my brain into thinking it's juicy and delicious. After nine years ... you know what I've realised? ... Ignorance is bliss.»
Step 3: Decide how deep you want to go down the rabbit hole
If you believe you are smarter than Cypher and are not deterred by his realisation, then with each step deeper down the rabbit hole a truth is revealed to you that is so complex that each revelation only leads to more questions.
Along the way, however, you'll realise that there are still far too many of those damn carrots that largely define your life. There are so many carrots that at some point you will inevitably wonder if Cypher was right after all. And then you too will suddenly feel an insatiable craving for a juicy steak, where the carrot finally finds its true purpose again and becomes what it should have been all along: A side dish.
But hey! You decide.
How deep do you really want to go?
Once you're in, you'll realise that the rabbit hole is not a linear tunnel, but a branching labyrinth that leads in all directions. Every path harbours its own secrets, every fork is an invitation to self-discovery.
In this phase of the descent, it becomes clear that the carrots – those tempting promises of knowledge and fulfilment – are only waymarks. They lead you to deeper insights about who you are or what you could be. But the burden of knowledge weighs heavy when you realise that every answer is just part of an even bigger puzzle – part of a much bigger carrot.
How deep you want to go down the rabbit hole is really less a question of depth and more a question of how far you're willing to leave behind, what you've previously accepted as true. It's a decision about, how you embrace the unknown, how you dance with the infinity of unknowing to transcend yourself, explore your own boundaries and possibly renounce everything that has defined you so far.
To find your way down this rabbit hole, you must also be willing to accept, that you may never find your way out of it.
Choose wisely, for every depth has its own shadows and its own light. As you descend into this rabbit hole, you should therefore carry the words of Sartre like a shining lantern before you:
«If you do not use your eyes to see, you will need them to weep.»
The third noble truth: Recognise that you are the bank.
After you have learnt to accept the suffering of your life better and better and also realise that you are not only a seeker in this labyrinth, but also the creator of your own paths, the actual Cypher moment kicks in:
Step 1: Open your eyes
While the others are still stuck on the second noble truth and continue to navel-gaze and cry their hearts out, you start to really see with your eyes for the first time and realise what has been right in front of you all along. Slowly it dawns on you that you have peeled every single carrot in your life yourself and held it under your own nose, only to run blindly after it.
You suddenly realise that all the bullshit about red and blue pills was just to add a bit of drama and excitement to your own story in your head, to make you feel special and important.
What was initially just an intellectual concept, mental acrobatics, now takes on more and more tangible contours. You realise that you could stop this bullshit immediately if you really wanted to. But that's so easy to say. Your nerves are on edge. Your emotions are on fire. The only meaningful thing you can articulate in such an enlightening moment is:
«Fuck the bank!»
«Fuck the dealer!»
«Fuck the game!»
"Fuck the carrot!"
Which, strictly speaking, all you're saying is: «Fuck myself.»
In fact: Fuck yourself!
Everything inside you is falling apart. But somehow in a good way. Suddenly it doesn't hurt so much anymore. You realise the benefits of not having to share your king-size bed with anyone and find fulfilment in being able to game in your bedroom without feeling guilty.
Suddenly, losing your job is no longer a curse, but rather a blessing.
And when it comes to the terrible diagnosis, it turns out that the doctor has accidentally mixed up the patient files (bad doctor, really bad doctor).
Everything feels so liberating. It seems like a little epiphany. So much so that some people throw themselves onto the balcony during this phase and shout fervently down onto the neighbourhood street: «Satori! Satori! I have attained moksha!»
Er ... No. You haven't.
You've just become aware of what an idiot you've been your entire life and that you could have saved all that money on self-help books and seminars and put it towards a down payment on a first mortgage instead.
The only thing you've really done now is you've just created another carrot in your life.
Step 2: Getting there by going nowhere
After this little whirlwind in the water glass of your existence, you look at the blank wall of your self-realisation at home and are still looking for answers as to what this is all about. Deep from the darkest corners of your subconscious rises the tantalising aroma of another juicy steak. For a brief moment, you feel faint. Your mouth is already watering. Until you realise that it's just the incense sticks that are still clouding your brain.
You realise that you can't find the answers you're looking for on your own. But throwing in the towel is not an option for you. After all, you have committed yourself. You're better than this Cypher. And in case you're a vegetarian, you say to yourself «Fuck the steak» anyway.
So, you do the obvious thing. You do what every first-world individual does, who believes they're leaving their hamster wheel behind because they think they've reached a deeper level of consciousness.
You book a flight to India.
In your protected 5-star ashram, you meet your guru for the first time. Your heart is pounding. The long-awaited transformation is within reach. But after a few weeks of meditation, chanting and a few thousand dollars less in your bank account, you may be a lot more relaxed, but you still feel a certain disillusionment.
The fact that you can no longer smell the steak in your consciousness has nothing to do with a spiritual achievement or the fact that you have overcome «the cypher moment», but is simply due to the fact that the flavour of the curry is much more pungent and it's still practically emanating from your skin after all these weeks of your retreat.
You travelled to your guru with lots of questions and came back with even more questions. And the most enlightening thing your guru could tell you was, that life is a constant.
When you get home, you look at the same blank wall again and realise that you could just as easily have stayed at home. Because it's probably like Yvon Chouinard, the founder of Patagonia, once said in an interview:
«There are people who think travelling will change them. But if you compromise the trip, you start out as an asshole and you'll get back home as the same asshole.»
The same logic applies to many a seeker unsuspectingly still chasing their carrot.
The core of this third noble truth says in simple terms: do your homework. The emphasis here is on «home». Because what you can't get right at home, you can't get right anywhere else. Wherever you go, you take yourself with you. The carrot in your 5-star-ashram is still the same vegetable you brought from home.
Step 3: Meditate
There is nothing more to say.
The fourth noble truth: The jackpot - end the suffering.
The first noble truth teaches us, that life is suffering. The sooner we accept this fact and come to terms with it, the better for us.
The second noble truth teaches us, that we ourselves, with our greed, rejection and ignorance, are the main cause of this suffering, and that anyone who doesn't realise this, will remain a howling kangaroo for the rest of their life.
The third noble truth teaches us, that it is possible to end this suffering. By learning to let go of our own projections and attachments. Or, to put it more simply, by finally stopping chasing after your own carrots.
Theoretically, with these three noble truths you attain nirvana. Theoretically! In practice, however, it's a completely different story. And this is exactly where the fourth noble truth comes into play.
The fourth noble truth is the instruction manual. It is the Buddhist set of rules on how to (practically) realise these first three (theoretical) noble truths. So if you are really serious about enlightenment and want to avoid spending the rest of your life as a kangaroo, you must practise the Eightfold Path.
However, since this fourth noble truth is just a repetition of what we have already discussed, we will take these eight paths together as a practical summary:
The first path (right view): See the world as it is ...
... and not how you would like to see it. As long as you only see your carrots, you have seen nothing, realised nothing and understood even less. Which is why it will not be possible for you to accept the suffering that happens to you. Seen in this light, it makes no sense to follow the next 7 paths. But: If you unmask and see through your own carrot theater, respect.
The second path (right intention): Don't be an ass.
The second path requires you to let go of your ulterior motives. Recognise what is wrong and unethical. Let go of everything that is morally questionable. You really don't have to be a genius to do this. You can do it without being familiar with Kant's categorical imperative.
The third path (right speech): Stop talking bullshit.
Words have impact – for better or for worse. But since you have learnt to be good on the second path, you should use your words accordingly and refrain from proclaiming evil speech if at all possible. And while we're at it: Claiming that the earth is flat is just as unhelpful for reaching Nirvana.
The fourth path (right action): Be a boy scout.
Talk is silver, action is gold. After accepting that the world is pretty much fucked up, you harbor only noble intentions, and do so without talking bullshit, the fourth path is the logical conclusion: Let your actions follow your words. This includes the whole range we've heard elsewhere: You shall not kill, you shall not steal, you shall not fuck your neighbor's wife, and so on and so forth.
The fifth path (Right Livelihood): Hustle Baby, hustle!
Even the enlightened get hungry from time to time, necessitating money for the occasional steak, carrot, or even curry. However, this money must come from somewhere. And since on the fourth path you've learned that stealing is not allowed, the money must be earned honestly (aside from begging). But honesty alone isn't enough for Buddhists. They take this very seriously. By right livelihood, they mean pretty much anything that doesn't harm any living being. And that significantly narrows down the job options. Perhaps that's also why employment offices don't hire Buddhists.
The sixth path (Right Striving): Don't be a wimp.
Here it comes again, «the Cypher moment». After the first five paths, you're doing pretty well, almost reaching Nirvana. But being close is still not the same as achieving it. And although at this stage you're almost like a half Mother Teresa, a rebellious uprising stirs within you. Because somehow, Nirvana feels farther away than ever before (the carrot!). You doubt the path you're on – just as Cypher did. So, now you'd rather throw in the towel. Betray your friends. Betray the world. Fuck your neighbor's wife, and take off with her and your neighbor's Aston Martin. Out of sight, out of mind. But that's precisely why the sixth path reminds us to always strive for the good, to not stray from the right path. It demands you leave behind those childish and carrot-like ambitions. The sixth path calls for iron discipline and a clear goal in sight. Suppress your desires, your envy, and your choleric outbursts. Have a chai latte and just stay cool.
The Seventh Path (Right Mindfulness): Always sit on pins and needles.
This might sound contradictory, as Buddhists are known to be among the most relaxed people on Earth. But if you don't want to mess up your chance at Nirvana, this seventh path is not to be underestimated. «Sitting on pins and needles» in this context means you must always be on your guard – constantly in self-awareness. Did you just have a dirty thought? Shame on you! Immediately recognize that you had that dirty thought. Let go of it! Did an inappropriate word slip out of your mouth? Then be aware of the impact it had. Even if you think you're on the home stretch, don't get arrogant or careless now. The smallest inattentive fart in the wrong place could cost you enlightenment.
The Eighth Path (Right Concentration): Don't be a pinball, meditate!
Because Buddha realized that we humans are a bundle of twitching nerves with unpredictable digestive issues, he took appropriate countermeasures with this eighth path. By regularly concentrating our minds to bring them into a state of deep inner calm and collectedness, we achieve greater clarity and stability. But above all, it aims to prevent us from getting distracted, especially when your neighbor's wife is lying topless by the pool again.
If you pass these and other tests in your life, you can reach the true nature of reality very soon and ultimately attain nirvana (which is probably just another carrot).
Otherwise, says Buddha, the whole cycle of suffering will start all over again for you at this very point. Because if you allow yourself to be distracted on this 8th path, you will not be able to see the world as it is (1st path). If you don't see the world for what it is, you will still think like an ass despite your best intentions (2nd path). And as an ass you don't just talk bullshit (3rd path), you also behave like one (4th path). That's why you don't care, how you make money (5th path). And because you no longer have a conscience and are only concerned with your own advantage, you only focus on short-term gratification (6th path). As a result, your self-perception is completely screwed (7th path). Which is why you allow yourself to be distracted by all sorts of rubbish and nirvana is lost to you forever and ever (8th path).
Hence Buddha says, do yourself a favour: Meditate and practise mindfulness!
And because Buddha was not a theorist but a true pragmatist, he went one step further and added:
«Do it or don't do it, but stop trying.»